Every time I talk to my roommate I feel my pineal gland calcify and my third eye close a little bit more
Last night she asked me how many days there are in a year and I said “why do you not know that?” and she said “why the fuck would I need to know that?”
She’s getting ready for work rn while listening to the Carrie Underwood song from the Super Bowl at full volume
She keeps hanging this shit up around the house
Last night she was telling me about a car accident she was in years ago and she said they had to use the “jar of live” and I was like. Do you mean the jaws of life and she said “you don’t know what the jar of life is?”
She’s sitting next to me scrolling through a facebook meme page scream laughing and showing me literally every post and saying “what’s wrong? Are you okay” if I don’t laugh hard enough
The guy On the right is MY UNCLE WHAT IN THE FUCK HAHAHAHAH
Theres no non creepy way to say this but tell your uncle to send that 🍆 my way. And I dont mean the ones pictured above.
Lol he’s very happily married to another very bearded man and they bake and have 3 rescue pitbulls and as you can tell a very big garden and are a gay wet dream tbh
